It’s about as interesting as watching grass grow
I’ve had more fun at a funeral
You’re about as tactful as a fart in church
You’re as inconspicuous as a penguin at a polar bears only golf club
The light’s are on but nobody’s home
You’re about as useful as an elephant in politics
You’re about as useful as a chocolate teapot
You’re about as useful as a condom machine in the Vatican
I’ve met dead people with more optimism/personality/charm than you
You couldn’t organize a piss up in a brewery
You’re not the brightest star in the sky, are you?
S/he’s a couple of cans short of a six pack
You’re about as interesting as watching paint dry
I’ve heard dying cats with better voices than you
You’re about as interesting as watching water boil
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